As of May 8th, 2015, I have completed my 225 hour certification program to become a Registered Holy Yoga Instructor (R-HYI). The journey to this moment is many years long, winding and God-led. Allow me to share. In 2009 I began exploring the blog world and happened upon the writings of a girl named Mandy […]
The New Land
Dear Child of Mine, You actually exist! You’ve made your home in my womb, and I’m completely humbled to have been given the honor of carrying you. I really never thought this day would come. Disbelief still clouds my thoughts, wondering if all those positive tests were just some elaborate scheme of disappointment. But then […]
Cease Striving
My dearest friends, In the midst of the adoption, I was starting my 3rd round of Clomid post-surgery (first week of March). We were entering our 58th month of infertility, and Kevin and I made the decision to cease our focused efforts on conceiving. We looked each other in the eye and said, “We’re done.” […]
Teaching Years
Dear Child of Ours, I’ve been quiet lately, at a loss for words. Two months have passed since the adoption fell through. I had been waiting for my breaking point, waiting for the deluge of tears, waiting to collapse into a deep depression. I braced myself for this heartbreak. And it was was heartbreaking. We questioned God, […]
The Waiting Space
It is the time between death and resurrection, the already and the not-yet of God’s kingdom, that is often the most painful. We wonder when our answer will appear, wanting desperately to have a clear picture of what God is doing in this waiting space. And each of us has been there, haven’t we? Perhaps […]
Due
Dear God, I can’t sleep. Maybe it’s the mild flu I’m fighting and the fact I can’t breathe through my nose. (I can’t stand a dry mouth.) Maybe it’s that hot cocoa I drank. Or maybe it’s the racing thoughts, swirling round and settling on the calendar date. Today was our birth mother’s due date. […]
Feeling the Love
Dear God, We were well-loved today. Thank you for the evidence of your truths from Jeremiah 31:2-3. Thus says the Lord: “The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have […]
Grace Sightings
Dear God, I have been angry with you. Why did I my heart need to be dragged through this…this…adoption miscarriage?! I have been so, so sad. But somehow I have seen your graces made evident, even in these dark days. I remember something I wrote about in February 2011 as I was reading Ann Voskamp’s One […]
Processing
Dear God, Why? Why did this have to happen? Why did everything seem so perfect? Why did we paint the nursery? And rearrange most of the house? Why did we buy a new car? Why did we spend every spare moment in February planning and preparing and dreaming and praying? Why did we believe this […]
Over Our Heads
Dear Child of Mine, It is with a heavy heart I write to you this morning. I’d rather just forget all of this, refusing to acknowledge these circumstances. But I am convinced by the Spirit of God that even these dark days are part of my story. The tapestry of my life is being woven […]