I am an open book, heart-on-my-sleeve type of gal. I love being honest and transparent with people. To me, meaningful relationships are everything. I’m not a fan of putting on a happy face, grinning and bearing it, or saying “Fine” in response to “How are you?” It’s not real.
And I’m real.
But the difficult truth of my life–the life my husband and I have chosen to live–is one that requires prudence. Being in full time, under-the-microscope ministry means that our lives affect more than the two of us, more than our closest friends and family. Everything we say, everything we do, and even the things we don’t say or do are under scrutiny. I would love to share everything in my life with everyone I come in contact with, but the reality is, I can’t, I shouldn’t. I can still strive be my truest self–full of love and joy and peace towards others.
The reason I am an open person is because I value the connection made with another when I lay my laundry–clean or dirty–in front of them, and they still love me. Many times, my situation can be easily related to by that other person. Sharing my circumstances may give the opportunity to minister to someone in a way I couldn’t have otherwise. It’s the thing I love about blogging–knowing I’m not alone, not the only one who’s ever dealt with this or felt like that.
Being a leader in the church is an awesome privilege, a high calling, and a deep responsibility. It’s important for us to be accountable for our actions, for the states of our hearts. But we must chose our mentors and confidants wisely.
It’s hard to keep my lips locked at times. My natural tendency is share everything with everyone. But Scripture states we should keep a tight rein on our tongues and think before we speak. If anything, this life’s work is teaching me that lesson very thoroughly.
Do those of you in ministry understand?
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Thank you everyone for your comments of understand and encouragement. It's a relief to know of others who've been where I am. I appreciate each of you.
I'm not in ministry per say, but I know what you mean. I also hate saying that I'm fine when I'm not… I've been reminded of that for the last 3-4 weeks as I've been sick and am asked 100 times a day how I'm doing… well fine is not the right answer…. but they don't care. Anyhooo I like to live a transparent life too… too much…. I think I just desire for people to know me more intimately.
Very much understand! It's often hard to put on the "mask" when things are not okay, but you aren't really going to share with every stranger at church what's going on and the reason's you're struggling. However, like you mentioned, it's best to be prudent in who we share with and find those that we really really trust, and will love us just the same in the end. I find that doing that has helped greatly, and God has blessed me with the opportunity to share my struggles by people asking me about how to deal with the same thing – when I never told them about it! :) Thanks for your vulnerability and sharing.
I'm not in ministry, but I completely understand what you're saying. I wear my heart on my sleeve in every way, and I firmly believe God can and does use my past experiences to minister to others through mem. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to maintain that transparency while keeping some things private in your home. Surely God will bless you for living for Him!
I hear you…also being an "open book" kinda gal AND in ministry. Good insights & reflections to remind. Thanks :) LIsa
Hi dear daughter. I have been in lay ministry over the yrs and I do understand what you are saying. I think you follow in your mom's footsteps as far as being transparent and wanting to be REAL with people. I guess I want to believe the best about people and trust them with all my "truths", too. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out the way intended. We do indeed need to think before we speak. It is always better if we learn lessons early in life rather than later, like some of us. I love you muchly, Mom
Mel, thanks for sharing this. Thanks for sharing with me yesterday. I value transparency more than anything in a friendship and just interactions with others in general. It's tough when people come against you, when you have the best intentions. I'll be praying <3 ya.
I most certainly do. Being in ministry has taught me so much, but some of those lessons have been painful. The worst was probably realizing that some people you minister to do not have the purest intentions and when they find out you have certain struggles, they pounce on that, as if you are not allowed to struggle because you are in ministry. That's been my experience anyway. I've had the best and worst experiences of my life all because of ministry. The worst ones have grown me, albeit in very trying ways.